Lee-Ane Keegan

After a week of trying very hard to be mindful of the voice in my head and acknowledging that it's not 'me' I have come to discover that my addiction is actually a separate voice in there. I don't hear it. I barely feel it, but it's effects are disastrous.
This is like fighting a war. Therefore it is going to take a lot of small battles to eventually win through. It will also take strategy.
How do you fight an invisible, inaudible enemy?

WITH DHAMMA?

Step 1 : more/different mindfulness
Strategy : As soon as I feel compelled to eat compulsively I will stop and listen. I'll try for two minutes first and see if I can detect the 'voice'. If I haven't then given way to it, I will wait as long as I can trying to 'hear' it.
I'll continue this all week. If I do get to distinguish this compulsive behaviour I'll try dismissing it like I do the usual voice in my head.
If I don't get to detect it then I'll have to come up with another strategy for the following week.

I know this all sounds rather psychotic lol but hey doesn't admitting that there is even a 'voice' there at all seem a little disturbing to the average person Now I have two voices!

The thought just arising - "perhaps we aren't really sane until we recognise, admit and stand aside from the 'voice' that has ruled our lives"

After one week of continuously putting aside as much of the mental noise in my head as possible there is pure joy arising occasionally at random moments. I was already happy and unstressed. (I want to solve my food addiction to save/lengthen my life, but I have accepted that it's part of me, and that's ok. In a way I'm grateful for it because I believe that any internal war we fight can lead to amazing learnings)
I have experienced joy before (twice in my life) and feel it as a sense of freedom. There is a smile that comes unbidden that begins very deep inside. It's a beautiful feeling.
What I learned from reading the dhamma and listening to A.B last week is simply that it's ok to feel joyous. I noticed that 'Alien' automatically told me that I didn't deserve such joy and to stop it. Boy is that guy in my head ever messed up!
Do you know how good it feels to now know that I don't have to listen to that rubbish any more?

Looking forward to week two. Loved A.B's talk on ethics last night - it's nice to have a reminder to trust your own instincts and follow them.