Relax. You're not a heartless bastard! ;)

[Stuart Corner]

I found this article interesting:

http://faculty.tc.columbia.edu/uploa...ychologist.pdf

and here are a few quotes from it:

… This study provided strong evidence in support of the idea that many bereaved individuals will exhibit little or no grief and that these individuals are not cold and unfeeling or lacking in attachment but, rather, are capable of genuine resilience in the face of loss...

… these participants were not rated as emotionally cold or distant by the interviewers, did not report difficulties in their marriages, and did not show dismissive attachment. They did, however, have relatively high scores on several prebereavement measures suggestive of the ability to adapt well to loss (e.g., acceptance of death, belief in a just world, instrumental support) …

… among these resilient individuals, the majority reported experiencing at least some yearning and emotional pangs, and virtually all participants reported intrusive cognition and rumination at some point early after the loss ... The difference between the resilient individuals and the other participants, however, was that these experiences were transient rather than enduring and did not interfere with their ability to continue to function in other areas of their lives, including the capacity for positive affect …

____________

… A growing body of evidence suggests that the personality trait of hardiness ... helps to buffer exposure to extreme stress. Hardiness consists of three dimensions: being committed to finding meaningful purpose in life, the belief that one can influence one’s surroundings and the outcome of events, and the belief that one can learn and grow from both positive and negative life experiences....

Stuart
xxx

[Jerrod Lopes]

Interesting study, Stuart. I ran into a similar situation a few months ago myself and thought maybe I was cold-hearted. Thanks for the post. In realizing its not the reaction one has to the loss of a loved one that proves the love for that person, we can know that the opportunities to love happen every day/ moment of life.

Jerrod

[Dennis Moelck]

For me, Ajahn Brahm's description in his book of how Thai people never cried at funerals already did the trick for me, but it's good to see this kind of detachment validated by honest research. Obviously, there's nothing immoral about crying over the loss of a loved one, but no one wants to feel alienated simply because they have a more relaxed attitude to death and tragedy. So thanks for posting, Stuart!

With metta,
Dennis